This'll be updated as put stuff on the Internet.  It's as much for my benefit as for a random browser, since I'm too lazy to set up a proper website to store all my stuff.


Fanfiction
HoloLister monologue (part of a currently dead WIP)
Frustration

Drabbles:
Knitting
If Only (1 of 3)
The Tongue (2 of 3)
How The Mighty Have Fallen (3 of 3)

Comics

Embrace
Jealousy Part 1
Jealousy Part 2

Miscellaneous

Red Dwarf sketches off of my revision notes
Hogwarts Head of Houses
Sketch of Panel 1 from Frustration
Some more panel from Frustration

Right, this weekend shall be a wonderful voyage of prettification, I have decided.  Today, I shall go out to buy ribbons and beads to make a gorgeous lanyard on which to hang my ID badge.  The uniform at work is terrible.  Black cardigan, white, sack-like shirt, black bottoms and plain socks and shoes, just like a school uniform.  I feel so bland, now I can't wear purple shoes and rainbow-striped socks.  (No, I have no sense of colour coordination.  I just like pretty colours.)

However, there are loopholes!  Precious loopholes, that insist that ID must be prominently displayed, but don't state what on.  Thus, I shall push the boundaries and bring some colour into my life!

Apart from that, this LJ is incredibly dull-looking.  What I need is MORE pretty icons, MORE exciting HTML in my profile, and MORE pretty pictures.  That is, if my one-track mind isn't side tracked again.

Wow, it's been forever since I've posted here.  My one track mind got sidetracked by my sudden discovery of the wonderful world of RP. 

For anyone who actually remembers me from when I was active, I still haven't made it to NZ, though the relatives did congregate on me for the last few weeks.  Eight people in a three bedroom house is an... interesting experience, to say the least.  I'm now a receptionist at a Dental teaching hospital, dealing with the wonderful British public.  Some people...

Okay, I can understand being a bit late for your appointment.  I've done it myself, woken up late, missed the bus, forgotten until 5 minutes before time.  But who in their right mind turns up at 11.30, says "Oh, my appointment was at 9, but I had to drop the kids off", eating a McDonalds?!  And then has the temerity to get shirty when I tell then they're likely not going to get seen?!

Oooh, it makes me mad.  Thankfully, RP provides a lovely outlet in the form of Dilandau Albatou, a fight-picking, back-stabbing, selfish little pretty-boy, who lets me let out all my rage on the innocent.  Far better than swearing in front of all the kiddies in the waiting area, though that options tempts me daily.

Ah dear, this has been a rough time.  So, it seems that the reason I crashed and burned during uni is depression, which was diagnosed 3 months ago and I'm just awaiting treatment for at the local loony bin.  I can't go to NZ yet because I'm too ill to leave the country.  SO I'm saving up money from my job and plodding along, until my mother decided to chat.  oh god, that was not a fun conversation.
So, she and my dad want to move out of our house. This house is a pile of crap, if you'll excuse my language. It's leaky, cold, has thin walls and is situated in an area with one of the worst gang problems in London. I don't go out at night because of the thought of walking back home. I hate my area, I hate my neighbours, I hate the fact that I feel hemmed in. But still, I've lived here since I was three weeks old and it's familiar.  Even though outside is horrific I still have my little safe space and I know my way around. 

And even worse, my poor brother is now so ill with his OCD that he can't go to France. My poor little boy He's going to have to repeat a year at uni and he can't come home because this place triggers him and he'll have to move oone of the ut of his house soon.

And lastly I've been wheezing for a week. the physical symptoms of my mental illness is that I breathe extremely shallowly, resulting in the aveoli of my lungs collapsing.  Every now and then I realise I haven't breathed enough and suddenly let out this great gaspy wheeze. I've been getting some odd looks at work about that.

Oh, and today was going so well at work too

Okay, that's enough whining

Remember my last post, where I was writing sparkly text to celebrate the fact I completed degree?  Well today I got a phone call, the gist of which was "Surprise! We're giving you another exam! Come back in a week and stand in front of all the examiners as they ask you questions about anything from your degree!"

My response can be summed up thus:

I've finally completed my degree!!!!!!!!

Given how I bombed these two papers, I'm probably going to end up with a 2:2 at the best rather than keep my 2:1 average from last year, but who cares, it's still a MBioch and I'm done!

I'm feeling much happier now I've had a chat with my little sister, who was stuck on some work on stem cells. My confidence is restored by my ability to do Year 10 homework.  Though I'm sure she regretted it after hearing me go "I think I've got some lecture notes somewhere..."  after 10 minutes of spouting stuff off the top of my head.

Gah! What is wrong with me? You'd think I'd be able to concentrate in my actual Finals, but no, instead I find myself scribbling three sentences and then zoning out for 10 minutes.  Damn, I completely failed that paper.  Whatever weird funk I've gotten into had better clear soon.

Oh, I cannot wait until I finish my education.  But it's a week until my first exam and 12 days until the last, so soon, soon, I shall be free.  17 years of formal education, done!  I've been in a weird, depressed funk since before Easter and very nearly ended up walking out last week, but thankfully my mother managed to talk me out of it, just.  But still, I really should revise.  Really. Possibly it would have been better to have started 3 months ago, but it's too late now.  I've completed 82% of my course so as long as I can cram 4 essays-worth of knowledge before Monday, I shall survive.

But what's getting me through is daydreaming about what I shall do with my glorious freedom.  The last week of term shall be dedicated to:

• Getting a fancy new haircut, not just trimming my split ends with nail scissors
  
• Going to see PotC3
• Finally getting round to entering the Bodlean Library (since the Science section is kept in a separate building to the pretty one) and all the glorious other bits of architecture I've been ignoring for the past 4 years
  
• SItting down to draw some more comics
• Removing my old DevientArt profile, recreating a shiny, new identity there, and redoing my lovingly drawn, but perspective-challenged, Robin Hobb fanart.
• Writing a CV.

And then it's back home to London, where I plan to live with my parents, get some temping work that involves minimal brain activity (Filing? Spreadsheets? Uncomplicated bliss!) and save up for a nice adventure to NZ and some neighbouring parts. 

Oh, it was so beautifully, beautifully camp.  I'm not sure what I loved best, but the Ukraine tinfoil-crossdressing, the French mockery of English pronounciations, the German swing and the hot retro Swedish guy were definite highlights.

And the UK beat Ireland and er, well, we didn't come last, at least.  Damn, but that Irish girl was awful.

Since May time means procrastination revision time, I've been digging through my piles of  hoarded crap vital work and happened to find my old sketch pad with what was, at one point, going to be the comic strip version of Frustration, until I realised that this really, really didn't work.  However, I'm still fond of these panels, so I thought I'd spam share:



Fun as it is, having humourous panels detracts completely from any tense atmosphere that the text boxes are trying to evoke.

And just because I love 'em, here's Dilandau Albatou and a young Folken Fanel from Escaflowne

He's narcissistic! Pyromaniac! overly-violent! Bitch-slapping! Gender-bending! Tiara-sporting! Albino!  How could you not love him?

Pre facial tattoos, mullet, big leather cloak and earrings.

So what exactly is one supposed to write when secretly contacting their long-lost half brother? "Hi, I'm your sister" feels somehow a bit too abrupt.  Ah well, 4 hours of avoidance hasn't given me a better opener.

... I just swore that I wouldn't distract myself with the Internet until I finished my lab project.

Admittedly, I thought it would have been over last year, but I seriously underestimated the time and tediousness of the writeup process. And now the deadline looms, loomily, though not as badly as the one in an hour which is about to fly merrily by me. It would have been fine if I hadn't made a STUPID SCHOOLCHILD ERROR when reading one of my graphs that made all of my results GARBAGE. Every. Single. One. It took me 12 hours of recalculations to fix it last week, but they're all correct now. Of course, my conclusions are no longer valid and because I've spent all my time correcting this I haven't been working on an extended essay which I was supposed to hand the first draft of in today and now it looks like a complete pile of pig crap and oh, my supervisor is going to hate me since I sent him an e-mail having to beg for an extra 12 hours.


AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH *clutches head*

But the vacation starts in two days. Just two days and I can be home. Working on all the same stuff I am now without the benefit of libraries or my own room.

Ah well, only 4 months and then I graduate. And then I get a job. But no lab work, because while that was fun in its own way I've proven conclusively that I have fundamentally the wrong type of personality to go into proper academia.

Fuck, I really should have sorted out a job 6 months ago. "I'm going to go to NZ for a few years to see my grandparents!" isn't much of a life plan when you have less than £0 in the bank AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH :'(

Waah, I'm going back to uni on Saturday and I don't know where most of my clothes are! How am I supposed to work with actual people when I only have three pairs of trousers?

Worrying about things like this takes my mind of of thoughts such as "How am I supposed to work in a lab full of expensive equipment when I'm at the bottom of the learning curve and am prone to knocking things over when nervous?"

These last few days have been mad.  On Saturday I was invited to a party with my friends from 6th form and ended up getting stupidly drunk, despite the fact I was coaching it to Oxford the next day and hadn't touched a drop since mid-June.  I wasn't planning to, it was just that Alejandro's mother kept on walking up to me with alcohol, talling me I was like a second daughter to her and insisting I had some more drink. She's lovely, but scary; I couldn't say no.  Here's a picture of all my pretty friends behind the cut:


So, on Sunday, I was planning to go up to Oxford in the morning and drop off a load of my belongings at a friend's house. Instead I wake up with the hangover of DOOM at Alej's place and wince home, trying not to let the vibrations of the bus overcome me.  Valiently I gritted my teeth and started to pack my suitcase, but discovered to my horror that the printer took up 2/3 of the room and all the bedding took up the rest of the space, meaning the trip resulted in much less being transported than I hoped.  By 3pm I was able to face the journey so coached off and ended up staying the night there. I didn't actually get home again till 9pm Monday.

I'm so jealous of E's housemate. He's got all of the Red Dwarf DVDs signed by the castmembers and was happily showing off pictures of himself at the signing with them after I made the muffled squee.  He's agreed to let me borrow series VIII, so at last I'll watch it! (OK, I fixed him with the obsessive fan-stare and he didn't refuse when I begged.)

The last few days have been spent returning books to their libraries, catching up with people and all those other activities that need to be done before moving to another city. My fanwork will probably pick up the pace again, as it seems that I tend to do most when I've got actual deadlines for other things that I need to be distracted from. Let's just hope the IT folks at college are actually there to approve my computer for the network, since I'm going back 2 weeks before the official term start date.

Title: Frustration
Fandom: Red Dwarf
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Rimmer/ Lister (of sorts)
Disclaimer: Red dwarf and all associated characters do not belong to me and I make no money with this.
Notes: Thankyou to roadstergal for betaing this story! She's done a wonderful job whacking my stuff into shape, but I'm afraid that I'll have to claim all the errors for myself.

 

Oh dear, there's only 11 days until I go back to Uni and I've still got 5 papers left to read on biophysics. These all involve maths I've either not studied for 3 years or that is actually above the level I achieved.  At least I befriended enough physicists who can explain to me exactly what the various parts mean.

Today, in an effort to work off my restless panic, I strode round for an hour until I ended up in the posh part of London, where I sat down in a cafe to do a bit of work.  At some point, a pair of guys sat down next to me and started having a conversation about a visit to the Cannes Film Festival.

I look up and meet the eyes of the guy facing my direction.

It was Kenneth Branagh, the guy who played Lockart in the second HP movie.

I didn't dare look up again, embarrassed that he may somehow divine my secret.

I like to read Snape/ Lockhart slash.

It's cracktastic.

Yay, my baby is working again *hugs laptop*.  I've slowly been expanding my fic throughout the day as per Roadstergal's suggestions and am now at a whole 600 words and counting. However there won't be much more done today as listening to my dad rant at the music channels is amusing me far too much to allow me to get to grips with the mood I need.

Urgh, I creeped myself out severely last night by reading The Dinoea House.  It made my skin crawl in a way that only people playing with balloons behind my head usually manage to achieve.

Of all the webcomics I was sad to miss out on when my laptop died, Friendly Hostility was the one I missed most.  The pacing is a bit manic when read all at once, but for the M,W,F update schedule it's perfect, the cast are all well characterised and it's at turns hilarious and moving. </fangirl>

Woe. My beloved laptop has crashed.  My sadness is great, as I'd so been looking forward to getting back on it again after going away for a few days.  My first fanfiction in ages was being sculpted out of the ideas fermenting in my head and I had many bookmarks that urgently needed to be clicked on (alas, I can't quite remember the addresses of the 20 or so webcomics I am addicted to right now).

Now I understand why it'sprudent to back up your harddrive more often than once every 3 months.

However this makes me incredibly happy.  I've fallen in love with this girl's HP art. 

My sister just walked by with a dead mouse.

Wait, she screamed. It's a live mouse, just stunned.

Just managed to convince her that the floor isn't the best place to release the mouse and perhaps it would be best to drop it outside.

Of course, the cat is prumming and fluffing and just waiting for her to drop it down so it's not going to be a live mouse much longer.


On a smutty note: If, during frottage, the "dickflesh" was ever to "commingle" I don't think the two participants would be gasping for pleasure.  It's a shame really, cos the story was otherwise quite good.

Was that the clonk of the flowerpots falling over?  I'm guessing the mouse has met it's fate.

Nope, the cat is back in the house, with the mouse. My sister is now being too squeamish. I suppose I'd better dispose of it.

I've been poking round my harddrive and found a mostly completed ficlet which I've been trying to polish up for the last day or so.  It's been so long since I've written I can't work out if it's turned out okay.  So, what do you think? Please, be brutal. I want it to be as good as I can manage to get it before I post it to any of the communities.

Frustration